Archive for the ‘Background’ Category

Winter is coming!

Wednesday, October 19th, 2011


Past experience has shown that come Autumn time numbers increase in online dating! Maybe something to do with wanting to find that special person to snuggle up with through the winter chill, or finding a partner to share the festive celebration season with!

We are on the look out for some cosy new venues to fight off that freeze and nurture some warm, maybe even firey dinner dates!

Get back to me with your suggestions… think open fires, cosy seating and intimate atmospheres. And don’t forget the venues should be within Zone 1, that’s the rule, accessible for all!

Thanks folks!

My favourite fabulous underwear!

Thursday, November 4th, 2010

Girls! (and for that matter boys – these make great gifts),

I just had to share with you my favourite lingerie brand:

La Perla lingerie

Sheer luxury. And you know beauty comes from within ;)

I’d love to hear your hints and tips for stylish but cosy winter wear too… especially for first dates! Please share…

Getting Creative

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

Hello folks,

Sorry I’ve not been updating much recently, but I’ve been busy on a little project of mine that I’m now ready to share.

Aside from the dating agency pursuits, I dabble a little in painting and writing music, and I have just launched my own website.

I have also discovered a great service called reverbnation, where I have set up my own music store, plus they are going to distribute my music onto services such as Amazon and Itunes. Very exciting indeed! I’ll keep you posted on how it goes!


Why I am anti-profile based online dating

Monday, April 26th, 2010

I truly believe that there is no formula for love. There is no rhyme or reason as to why two people should fit together. And that is why I think profile based dating is not the best way to date online.

Of course, having a mutual love of stamp collecting, or both having watched A Fish Called Wanda (my favorite film by the way!) more times than you’ve had new sexual partners (yep I confess that’s me too, well probably… – I mean I have watched it a lot of times!) means that there’s always something to talk about. At the very least on your date you can exchange fascinating rare stamp seeking stories, or try and beat each other on the most obscure quote you can come up with (‘I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs’ – sorry couldn’t resist).

But in my experience, and of course we are all different, this really makes no difference to whether you are actually going to hit it off. No matter how perfect they sound on paper, there is no telling whether that spark is going to be there or not.

Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic. But I truly believe you need that pizzazz – that inexplicable chemical reaction – as the first building block for anything else, as the foundation for a flourishing happy and healthy relationship.

From my year of dedicated online dating, I can honestly say that the few who got my pulse up a gear, were the least likely candidates profile-wise. And similarly the seemingly perfect matches were so dull that, on more that one occasion, I actually had to resort to one of the emergency get-out methods that any practiced online dater should have. (Get a mate to phone you after a half hour or so. If required you can feign shock to hear of how your best friend’s husband has just announced he is sleeping with her brother, and make your valid excuse to get the hell out of there. Or, alternatively, you can come up with a more tailored story to your circumstance, which may sound a bit more authentic. ‘My private investigator has just found an extremely rare and valuable Penny Black mint stamp, and it is for sale in a junk shop for $5. I have to go and get it now. Of course you understand. Bye’. It’s a bit of an old and obvious method, but at least better than nothing. If anyone has any other methods please do share them with me.)

Admittedly there is some use to the profile method, for at least weeding out the obvious no-no’s. If you’re 5’10 (more important for a girl, especially if you’re partial to wearing heels) you’re really not terribly keen on meeting up with dwarfs. If you’re a single parent of five little darlings, the ‘children? I think I was one once’ type kidophobes are probably best avoided.

Anyway, my frustrations with the profile method, the amount of time chomped away administering the whole thing (explored in my last post) and the endless disappointments, gave rise to an idea…

But more of that to come.

For now, folks, happy spring to y’all


A year of dedicated online dating

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

Almost every single person I know has tried online dating, with a good proportion of them having tried because of my persuasion. I guess I’m quite a good advert for it though, having met my partner through one of the larger and more well-known sites (think striking something to create a flame).

It didn’t happen overnight though. In fact it took over a year of dedicated online dating. The process itself is quite a journey. One starts off in a flurry of enthusiasm and activity. As soon as you upload your profile for the first time, you literally get bombarded with contact from all sorts of people.

At first this is very exciting, and you energetically give your fingers more exercise than they’ve ever had before as you frantically type lots of replies. However, the quicker you learn to be über fussy, the better, trust me.

I wasted so much time replying to people that had written me really lovely emails, clearly having taken the time to digest my (somewhat lengthy and prosaic profile). I was flattered by their efforts and felt compelled to respond, ignoring the fact that their photos did not inspire the same enthusiasm.

In hindsight, this was very silly of me, spending precious time writing emails when I didn’t even find them attractive. I suppose I thought I should give an award-winning personality the chance to impress me. But the few people I actually met up with in this category, I knew instantly that it would go no further. Unfortunately personality alone just doesn’t cut enough mustard for me. I need to at least fancy someone a bit in order to make the progression between friendship and romance. And I was not online dating in order to make new friends.

On the other end of the scale, the (few) cute model-types usually had about two sentences to their profiles and came across as shallow as a pond in a desert.

There are of course exceptions to every rule. And there amongst the 99% of pebbles are the occasional jewels: the ones that make it all worth while.

To find said jewels, however, naturally becomes quite a process. Most people who have been online dating for a while start to view it as one of the daily chores: do the washing, cook a meal, vacuum the floor, process the new messages… Generally one establishes a particular time of day to do the task, a good hour or two at least is ideal. As you become more practiced however, you get a lot faster at scanning down your message list, or scrolling through a new bunch of mug shots, in order to hopefully pick out a potential candidate or two.

My year of online dating (or ’27 Men’ as is titled my book) saw me meet a whole bunch of characters, and is certainly mentally labelled as one of the most memorable years of my life.

The greatest thing about online dating is that you get to communicate with people that you would otherwise never cross paths with. The likelihood of my meeting my current partner randomly is about as fat as a size 0 model. We lived, worked and hung out in very different worlds. In fact, in many ways, we’re a good example of ‘when opposites attract’ – something that profile based online dating doesn’t really nurture. But more of that in another post…

For now, over and out


The most important decision of your life!

Monday, April 19th, 2010

I remember seeing a stand-up comic once, nothing particularly memorable about him himself (although I would pretty much swear by the fact he is male – why that is, is another question altogether and probably best left for the psychologists). But amongst the usual comedic waffle about mother-in-laws and Essex girls, he made an extremely apt point about dating that has remained with me ever since.

Why is it, that when we make what is arguably the single most important choice of our lives, are we usually at a less than ideal state of mind, and indeed body, to carry out this significant task?

Let me explain.

When we buy a new car, our product choice is influenced by many things. We may be drawn to a certain make and model, colour or specification. We’ve probably perused various reports and read up a bit on reviews and potential pitfalls. We’d more than likely take it for a test drive before committing ourselves to its purchase.

It’s a similar story with looking for a new home. We’d take considerable efforts to visit local estate agencies, see what they have on offer and sign-up to their mailing lists. We’d trawl the internet, local newspapers and other relevant media. We’d probably make sure we were looking reasonably presentable to go and view a potential candidate, wanting to make the best impression to the seller and/or the agent.

In short, we wouldn’t dream of making these important decisions during an intoxicated evening out, impeded with alcohol. One just wouldn’t trust one’s judgment in such a state.

So, why is it then, that when selecting a partner in which to date (you can see where I’m going with this), a person who may well end up the parent of our offspring and a considerable factor in a significant chunk of our forthcoming lives, nine times out of ten, do we do this while pissed out of our brains at some dodgy bar or club?

Why is it that we deliberately and intentionally go ‘out on the pull’ and ply ourselves with alcohol in order to meet someone? Why, as an apparently intelligent and mentally developed race, do we mask ourselves in dodgy lighting and sweat, impede our vision with the afore mentioned, plus booze, in order to make that important partner selection?

Anyway, this was the great and memorable insight that the struggling and distinctly unmemorable comic left ensconced on my brain.

And it is one of the foundations of my interest in dating, along with, of course, my own quest to find that special person.